Written by Unleashing the Typhoon in a crowded nightclub is pretty damn good fun.
That is all.
Posts in category Fun
A balanced diet of
Written by 12 piece bucket of KFC, large chips, gravey, rolls, coleslaw and …
Diet coke.
Because you’re watching your weight, after all.
Blink
Dam slammed the front door shut, annoyed as usual. He hated his job, hated his boss, hated the people he was forced to sit next to on the bus. For a young man, the list was long. The receptionist was cute though, he mused. Maybe he’d invite her over some time.
Grabbing a drink, he walked into the lounge and turned on the TV.
“Do you know why I started watching horror movies?” Dam glanced through to the spare room. “No? Well it’s because it was the only way I could be sure that someone somewhere was having a worse time than I was. And today has been the worst day ever. Want to hear about it?”
Sally looked over from the bench she was strapped to, and blinked once for Yes.
Anagrams
This is from an email my mother forwarded to me. Some clever stuff in here.
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS :
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS :
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS ! NO MORE Z’S
A DECIMAL POINT :
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Titanic II sinks on maiden voyage
Most people would think twice before buying a boat named Titanic II.
And sure enough, when Briton Mark Wilkinson took the 4.8-metre cabin cruiser out for its maiden voyage, it promptly sank.
“If it wasn’t for the harbourmaster, I would have gone down with the Titanic,” Mr Wilkinson, who had to be fished out of the sea at West Bay harbour in Dorset, southern England, told local media.
“It’s all a bit embarrassing and I got pretty fed up with people asking me if I had hit an iceberg.
One eyewitness said: “It wasn’t a very big boat – I think an ice cube could have sunk it!”
Awesome.
Some Things I’ve learnt being married
- Keep small things small. If she squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle or never remembers to lift the toilet seat back up after she visits it – who cares. These aren’t things to make a big fuss over. Married life can get stressed enough without adding to it with the trivial.
- Money needs to be kept in its place. It is all too easy to obsess over it, to spend time worrying about budgets and future expenses, and then forget that you are in this together and that it is together that stressful financial times are dealt with.
- Wives, distracted for the sixth time by tickling them under their arms while they’re trying to do their hair, are liable to snap, growl and bite. Just sayin…
- Buy flowers and chocolates regularly on an irregular basis. If you really need to be told this, go outside and slap yourself.
- You will never face anything more terrifying than sitting in a doctor’s room while you wait for him to diagnose her and tell you both what is wrong. Ever.
- Breakfast in bed is a winner.
- You fart in bed too, so don’t worry too much about it.
- Make time to be silly. It’s the small moments that I remember and treasure the most.
- Take lots and lots of photos.
- Record her saying something silly. There will come a time when you just want to hear her voice.
- Humming Darth Vader’s theme music while looking at photos of her mother might seem like a funny thing to do at the time, but I’ll bet the change in my pocket vs the change in yours it isn’t. Although it probably is.
- Hold hands when out together.
- Put the wedding ring back on.
- Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
- She needs her own bank account, in her own name, totally independent from any shared accounts you might have. History has, I think, sadly proven the wisdom and necessity of it.
- You do too.
- Yes, it is your turn to drive when you next go out.
- Look but don’t touch.
- While in the middle of a stress induced doughnut eating frenzy, comments to the effect that eating all that fatty food won’t help the situation are not likely to be taken well.
- Your gut is probably bigger than her arse.
- The remote control is rightfully yours, as ordained by God and the natural laws of the universe.
- Tell her she looks sexy.
- She will never understand The Three Stooges, so don’t bother trying to explain it.
- No, she doesn’t think fart jokes are funny. Sorry.
- Yes, it is ok to hate that builder fixing the roof. He’s young, fit better looking than you and deserves to fall off the ladder. Shaking it is illegal, so unfortunately you’d better not.
- For those times when you think you’re better off alone, try to remember how much it sucked when you were.
- Tearing up when Maximus dies is not unmanly.
- It’s nice when you realise that you’re as physically attracted to her now as when you were both 10 years younger and thinner.
- Learn how to make a nice cup of tea.
- See #1.
How to make a Lemon, Lime and Bitters
I have no idea why the Americans and Europeans haven’t taken to this, as it is a damn nice non-alcoholic drink. Try it and see. Trust me, 20 Million Australians can’t be wrong. Well we can, but we’re not wrong about this.
Ingredients
- A tall glass
- Angostura Bitters
- Lime cordial (sweetened lime juice)
- Lemonade (not Lemon Squash but 7up or Sprite will do)
- Ice
How To
Put 4 – 6 drops of the bitters in the glass, and swirl it around to coat the bottom of the glass. Add in the ice. Fill the glass with the lemonade and add in a small amount (a shot’s worth or so) of the lime cordial. Drop in a slice of lemon or lime to make it look good.
Enjoy.